The ultimate wrestling match

The sound of horses marching with drums and fifes playing in the background

Lillian Garcia-Introducing, from the United States of America, The Freetarian, Citizen X, and Ron "The Champion of the Constitution" Paul!

Crowd cheers very loudly. Ron Paul Revolution signs wave about in the audience. The freedom living trio pose in the middle of the ring; tens of thousands of cameras flash

Battle Hymn of the Republic plays

Lillian Garcia-And coming down to the ring, from America, Woooo, Old Meme, and Mike "Taxes, War, and Weightloss" Huckabee!

Mainly nostalgic Ric Flair fans and young DBZ haired fans cheer, though there's a few pops for Huckabee. Mainly from former fatties. Ric Flair lets out a monster "wooooo" while Chuck and Mike tell jokes from his campaign commercial.

Ric-You jitterbuggin' leg tuggin' rooty tootin' 453 pound loosin' fellas know that Chuck Norris facts are, in fact, not real facts
Huckster-So?

and Freetarian comes from nowhere to tell them the true meaning of Christmas...err, the point.

Freetarian-Well, it means that everything Chuck says about you isn't true.
J.R-BAH GAWD KING WHADDAYA THINK THEY'RE TALKIN' ABOUT? KING?
Lillian Garcia-Well, Jerry had to have toe surgery. We got the Burger King King instead. He doesn't talk though.
J.R.-WELL MAYBE THEY'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT MY BARBERQUE SAUSE!

Citizen X and Chuck face off.

J.R.-Will Chuck whip him like a Govuhmint Mule?
Chuck-You know what's under my beard?
Citizen X-Do I have to call the cops on you?
Chuck-That's not funny. This is though---it's another fist

Chuck stares at him, straining to grow another fist out of his chin

J.R.-BAH GAWD HE'S GUNNA SOIL HIMSELF!

And he actually does. Citizen X punches Chuck in the face several times. He falls hard and a sea of Ron Paul signs go up.

J.R.-WHY, HE'S STOMPING A MUD HOLE IN HIM...sorta...eew

Citizen X tags out and the Freetarian comes in. As Chuck Norris rises from the mat, Freetarian chants "Ron Paul Revolution" which starts an audience chant.

Freetarian-Hellllllooooooo Freedom!
Chuck-Hello security!

As Freetarian and Chuck exchange blows, they yell quotes at eachother. Ric Flair, being the dirtiest fighter since Chuck Norris' accident, jumps in.

Ric-Let terrorists blow up my WTC, will ya?

Ric charges at the Freetarian with an iron fist. Cold iron meets the libertarian's skull with such force that the internet started making Flair jokes. Citizen X climbs up the top turnbuckle and smacks Flair with the invisible hand of libertarianism. Flair is confused and flees. Citizen X follows him throughout the arena and eventually into a Subway restaurant. Flair hides in the bathroom with a turkey sandwitch. Citizen X buys a delicious meatball sandwitch on white bread with american cheese and eats it while waiting for Flair.
The Freetarian is put on a stretcher. Ron Paul approaches to see if he's okay.

Freetarian-Ron, they may have got me, but you're the last hope for freedom. They won't get you!
Ron-Freetarian, God speed, and long live the constitution!
J.R.-King, it's a handicap match!

Burger King senses that Ron Paul is hungry and he sneaks up, a la Sneak King. He is refreshed and ready to fight. Ron pulls out a mini-constitution and smacks Chuck's leg off. It lands into the hand of a kid with aspergers. He promptly kills himself because he's so happy. Another asperger kid picks it up to sell on e-bay.

J.R.-Huckabee wants Ron Paul disqualified for using a weapon. It's not like he used my wife's cooking, God rest her soul!
Fan-Jim...isn't your wife still alive?
J.R.-BAH GAWD IF ANYONE ASKS I WAS WITH YOU ALL DAY!
Fan-Cool.
J.R.-The ref said that the constitution is not an illegal weapon!

Ron Paul hits Chuck again. This time his beard flew away. Ron pinned him

Chuck-I don't kick out, I kick up!

Obviously, Chuck couldn't grow a leg from his chest and he lost. The Ron Paul legion screamed with glee and waved their signs.
Huckabee sobbed with Flair in the bathroom of the Subway. He had a turkey sandwitch.
Later that night Subservient Chicken and Burger King had an epic brawl.
J.R.'s trial went well. "If the hat doesn't fit, you must aquit"



I think it's pretty awesome that Val Venis and Kane are endorsing Ron Paul. Pretty cool that Huckster has Ric, though. I bet J.R. is going to endorse Romney, but his barbeque sauce seems like a McCainite.
I wonder how many wrestlers are conservatives, or at least Republicans.