The ultimate wrestling match

The sound of horses marching with drums and fifes playing in the background

Lillian Garcia-Introducing, from the United States of America, The Freetarian, Citizen X, and Ron "The Champion of the Constitution" Paul!

Crowd cheers very loudly. Ron Paul Revolution signs wave about in the audience. The freedom living trio pose in the middle of the ring; tens of thousands of cameras flash

Battle Hymn of the Republic plays

Lillian Garcia-And coming down to the ring, from America, Woooo, Old Meme, and Mike "Taxes, War, and Weightloss" Huckabee!

Mainly nostalgic Ric Flair fans and young DBZ haired fans cheer, though there's a few pops for Huckabee. Mainly from former fatties. Ric Flair lets out a monster "wooooo" while Chuck and Mike tell jokes from his campaign commercial.

Ric-You jitterbuggin' leg tuggin' rooty tootin' 453 pound loosin' fellas know that Chuck Norris facts are, in fact, not real facts
Huckster-So?

and Freetarian comes from nowhere to tell them the true meaning of Christmas...err, the point.

Freetarian-Well, it means that everything Chuck says about you isn't true.
J.R-BAH GAWD KING WHADDAYA THINK THEY'RE TALKIN' ABOUT? KING?
Lillian Garcia-Well, Jerry had to have toe surgery. We got the Burger King King instead. He doesn't talk though.
J.R.-WELL MAYBE THEY'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT MY BARBERQUE SAUSE!

Citizen X and Chuck face off.

J.R.-Will Chuck whip him like a Govuhmint Mule?
Chuck-You know what's under my beard?
Citizen X-Do I have to call the cops on you?
Chuck-That's not funny. This is though---it's another fist

Chuck stares at him, straining to grow another fist out of his chin

J.R.-BAH GAWD HE'S GUNNA SOIL HIMSELF!

And he actually does. Citizen X punches Chuck in the face several times. He falls hard and a sea of Ron Paul signs go up.

J.R.-WHY, HE'S STOMPING A MUD HOLE IN HIM...sorta...eew

Citizen X tags out and the Freetarian comes in. As Chuck Norris rises from the mat, Freetarian chants "Ron Paul Revolution" which starts an audience chant.

Freetarian-Hellllllooooooo Freedom!
Chuck-Hello security!

As Freetarian and Chuck exchange blows, they yell quotes at eachother. Ric Flair, being the dirtiest fighter since Chuck Norris' accident, jumps in.

Ric-Let terrorists blow up my WTC, will ya?

Ric charges at the Freetarian with an iron fist. Cold iron meets the libertarian's skull with such force that the internet started making Flair jokes. Citizen X climbs up the top turnbuckle and smacks Flair with the invisible hand of libertarianism. Flair is confused and flees. Citizen X follows him throughout the arena and eventually into a Subway restaurant. Flair hides in the bathroom with a turkey sandwitch. Citizen X buys a delicious meatball sandwitch on white bread with american cheese and eats it while waiting for Flair.
The Freetarian is put on a stretcher. Ron Paul approaches to see if he's okay.

Freetarian-Ron, they may have got me, but you're the last hope for freedom. They won't get you!
Ron-Freetarian, God speed, and long live the constitution!
J.R.-King, it's a handicap match!

Burger King senses that Ron Paul is hungry and he sneaks up, a la Sneak King. He is refreshed and ready to fight. Ron pulls out a mini-constitution and smacks Chuck's leg off. It lands into the hand of a kid with aspergers. He promptly kills himself because he's so happy. Another asperger kid picks it up to sell on e-bay.

J.R.-Huckabee wants Ron Paul disqualified for using a weapon. It's not like he used my wife's cooking, God rest her soul!
Fan-Jim...isn't your wife still alive?
J.R.-BAH GAWD IF ANYONE ASKS I WAS WITH YOU ALL DAY!
Fan-Cool.
J.R.-The ref said that the constitution is not an illegal weapon!

Ron Paul hits Chuck again. This time his beard flew away. Ron pinned him

Chuck-I don't kick out, I kick up!

Obviously, Chuck couldn't grow a leg from his chest and he lost. The Ron Paul legion screamed with glee and waved their signs.
Huckabee sobbed with Flair in the bathroom of the Subway. He had a turkey sandwitch.
Later that night Subservient Chicken and Burger King had an epic brawl.
J.R.'s trial went well. "If the hat doesn't fit, you must aquit"



I think it's pretty awesome that Val Venis and Kane are endorsing Ron Paul. Pretty cool that Huckster has Ric, though. I bet J.R. is going to endorse Romney, but his barbeque sauce seems like a McCainite.
I wonder how many wrestlers are conservatives, or at least Republicans.

Barry Bonds!

I just have to say, I'm on his side. I don't like him but I hate the federal government. They shouldn't arrest him for up to 30 years for taking steroids. In fact, I can see the good in steroids (mainly building muscles for the elderly to be stronger), so if there's people out there willing to take it, they're pretty much (unknowingly) guinea pigs. Hey, it would stink if Barry grew two heads and a lobster claw, but now there's a good reason to keep it from the public (although I wouldn't mind a lobster claw).
How much do you want to bet that they're going to go on a witch hunt and end up giving him 30 years just to punish him for cheating. It wouldn't surprise me since the government wants to control everything.
And baseball fans...just stop. Every big time fan I know is mad at him, but too bad! It could be argued that anyone's record isn't real since the seasons were shorter back then. When the point of baseball becomes smashing the ball over the fence, cheating is bound to happen.
So, keep on fightin' Barry! You smashed the ball to smash a record...now smash the federal government!


Edit-Who cares about records? Anyone who doesn't like Barry won't recognize his, so don't take it away from him.